The Gift of Empathy

I have learned a powerful principle in my adult life; a message that wasn’t taught deeply to me as a child.  It’s the principle of empathy.  I think empathy is one of the most beautiful of human interactions.  Empathy is defined as “the capacity to recognize and, to some extent, share feelings (such as sadness or happiness) that are being experienced by another.  Someone may need to have a certain amount of empathy before they are able to feel compassion.”  How awesome is it that God gave us this gift of feeling what another person is feeling through personal interaction?  We are actually able to rejoice in another person’s joy or weep with them in sorrow.  It is through the action of empathy that we truly come together.  It is in moments of despair we are able to let another person know they are not alone in their sadness.  It is in moments of laughing together that true happiness erupts. 

I recently spent a little over a year working with a therapist. During my intake, she asked if I had ever been in therapy before.  To her surprise (and my own), I counted up 7 therapists 

I had seen in the course of my life!  You see therapists are just like first dates…sometimes you hit it off, sometimes you don’t.  But, I didn’t give up on the process.  My mental health is very important to me.  This most recent counselor gave me tools that I will continue to put to use the rest of my life.  She worked tirelessly with me, teaching me this principle of empathy. 

Empathy wasn’t something I offered those around me and it certainly wasn’t something I offered myself.  Little by little though, with her help, I learned how powerful this tool could be.  I learned that sometimes when my kids tell me they had a “bad day” or they fall down; 

all they really need is some empathy.  It goes something like this….

It was BINGO night at Elliot’s school.  Under heavy florescent lights, we played card after card with no chance of winning.  It was the last card of the night.  We are one call away from winning a prize.  The next number was called.  The person one table over yelled, “BINGO!”  We didn’t win.  Elliot was tired from a full week of school.  The loss hit him hard.  His big brown eyes filled up with tears, the tears flowed freely from his eyes and down his cheeks.  He was crushed.  Under my former circumstances I probably would have dryly said, “Enough. Dry it up. Better luck next time.”  Thinking of those responses makes me cringe now because now I choose to show empathy.  Instead, I wrapped my arms around him and just hugged him close and said lovingly, “I know this is hard.  I wanted to win too.  We are all tired.  Let’s just go home.”

He didn’t stop crying immediately, but by the time we got to the car he was settled down enough that I could then talk to him.  He didn’t need me to solve his problem (read that slowly husbands), he didn’t need me to tell him not to feel what he was feeling, or that other people also felt what he was feeling or worse.  He just needed someone to understand, to offer comfort, to hear him—show him empathy.  I had shown him empathy. 

Romans 12:15 tells us, Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.  That’s an amazing line that I wished I could have digested sooner in life.  I choose to show empathy to my family, my friends, myself, and even strangers.  I’m not saying I don’t ever take a “hard line.”  Sometimes too much empathy just allows someone wallow.  It’s finding a balance that I work at now.  And, I admit too that I don’t always do a great job at this.  My unempathetic ways were a habit that I work to change.  I have to say though; it feels so good to actually feel with another person.  I am more connected to another person’s heart.  I pray those in my life feel that coming from me, and that God gives me the courage to keep working on this important principle.