I Am Good Enough

I am a recovering perfectionist.  It's difficult for me to accept things in life and things about myself as "good enough."  I journal about it.  I collect quotes about it.  I talk about it in hopes of diffusing the expectations I place on myself, people, places, and things. I meditate on it.  I pray about it--about how to let it go.  I am better than I used to be, but there are days when the familiar feelings creep in.

Having high standards can be a good thing.  A friend once told me this trait means I have a strong character.  My parents used to call that "stubbornness."  My Gram and John sometimes call that "bossy."  Perhaps those are just a couple of the forms this beast can take on.  I do have a tendency to be bossy...I admit it.  I like to take charge.  I do have high standards.  However, here's the downside; I sometimes have such high standards that the goals I set are tough to achieve or worse yet, when I do reach them I feel dissatisfied.

To me, my most important job is being a mom.  And, so naturally my perfectionism seeps into my role as a mom.  I saw the pictured quote online the other day (see "quote collecting" above).  I have been mulling this over.

Summer vacation just ended.  It's day 2 of the school year.  Monday night these thoughts of how we spent our summer where swirling through my head.  My natural tendency was to beat myself up. I was thinking of the ways I could have done summer better.  Maybe I didn't play with the kids enough.  Maybe there were days I played too much, which was why people were running low on underwear and clean clothes.  We didn't study math facts, but we did read a lot.  We stayed up too late and slept in most of the days of August.  There was fun though...there was a lot of fun.  Fun is important to me.  Fun is the exact opposite of perfection.  Fun says, "I'm lost in the moment."  Fun says, "my face hurts from laughing."  Elliot's sense of humor grew as much as his height this summer.   There were moments he made my face hurt from laughing so much.  Those are the moments I forget about perfection.

I am not a perfect mother, far from it.  This quote reminds me though that there are so many ways to be a good mom.  I think I am a good mom.  And I think, just for today, I will focus on more ways to be a good one instead of a perfect one.

Thanks for reading.

Having fun playing Headbands with Syd