Happy 2014! I'm excited about a new year. Now is the time for resolutions. The word resolution is defined as: 1. The state or quality of being resolute; firm determination. 2. A resolving to do something. As we all have heard many "resolutions" aren't kept. Habits are hard to break and new ones can be even more challenging to begin.
It's been over a year since I incorporated running into my regular routine. When I began a year ago it took me over 11 minutes to run a mile. It was difficult to run a full mile without taking a break to walk. I had hip and knee pain and lots of soreness. I kept going though. At some point during this past year there was a shift. There was a moment when running turned from something I dreaded into something I enjoy. I don't always like it when I'm in the middle of it, but I always like it when I've finished. I love the way I feel when I think I can't go any further and yet I do. Just before Christmas I ran in a 5K race and finished in under 30 minutes. I actually came in 2nd in my age group. Who would've ever dreamed? Certainly not me! I resolved to do what I didn't think possible. I had a firm determination. Running wasn't my "official" resolution of 2013. I just wanted to try to keep going, try to improve.
When I started running I was running from weight I didn't want to gain back (from the 50 pounds I'd lost, some was creeping back on). I was also running from emotions that were too big for me to feel. I was running from my own inner voice that tells me I can't do something. I guess that voice is a liar. :)
A friend of mine chooses a word of the year and makes that her focus. I love that idea; I love it more than a resolution. Knowing she would be sharing her word got me thinking about doing this too. After a bit of mediation and reflection I decided my word of 2014 is KINDNESS. Kindness is a virtue, and represents a caring towards others. Practicing kindness towards others has been shown to increase our own happiness...and who doesn't want to be happier? I will use kindness in that way, but I am using it to go one step further. I am "resolving" to be kinder to myself. I will be using kindness to gauge my actions.
I've been unkind to myself. Overeating wasn't treating myself with kindness. My negative self-talk isn't kind. Saying yes, when I want to say no, isn't being kind to myself either. I'm better than I was, but I'm not where I want to be. I hope to use 2014 as a year to grow in kindness to others and myself.
Being kind to myself means I can make mistakes and not ask "what were you thinking?" Instead I can ask, "what was I learning?" I have a lot to learn.
I look back at photos of myself when I was overweight (there aren't many because I didn't want them taken). I see someone who was not kind to herself. I see someone who was hurting. I compare that girl to who I am now. I see progress. I'll never be perfect, perfection isn't what my path is about. But, I need to keep looking at those pictures to remind myself that I have grown. It's an inside job that shows on the outside too.
As I wrote above, habits are hard to break. My focus on kindness is a new habit. I've written about my own struggle with habits in a previous posts you can read by clicking here (Hard Habit to Break) and also another by clicking here (Defeating Chocolate Cake).
|At my heaviest At my current weight|
|Giving the toast at my sister's wedding. I went on to gain another 10 pounds!|
What is your focus for 2014? Where do you want to be by 2015? Perhaps we can encourage each other.
Thank you for reading.