Whatever You Set Your Mind To

March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb...so the saying goes. I think this year it came and went like a lion. It's been a crazy spring so far. Record cold. Record snow. I'm ready for warm weather to stay. 

We decided to "quit the gym" this winter. It made for some creative ways to stay active. I ran in some of the coldest temperatures I've felt in Virginia. John shared a variety of equipment with us, from bands to bars to jump ropes (picture family fitness). More recently he and Elliot decided to install a permanent pull-up bar in Elliot's room. Sydney prefers to hang upside down from it like a monkey.

Then March arrived. I didn't have many teaching assignments. After all those snow days teachers didn't need a substitute. I ran and ran and ran in preparation for the upcoming Historic Half Marathon. March was cold then warm, then cold then warm. I ran alongside melting snow. I ran over snow. I ran admiring amazing sunsets. In this past week, I ran with daffodils and budding trees. I listened to hours of music and a variety of podcats.  My favorite has been a podcast called Serial.  It's a weekly spin-off from another radio show called This American Life.  It chronicles a true story of a teenager who allegedly murdered his girlfriend.  It kept my attention and my mind off the miles, but that's not my point here.

Sunset near Route 3 on a Wednesday evening

One thing I did listen to a few times was an essay turned spoken song by Baz Luhrmann called Everybody's Free (to Wear Sunscreen).  I first heard it during the relaxation portion of a yoga class a few years ago.  It was originally given as a commencement speech.  It has such good and simple advice.  I am putting the link here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHE_XGtUNx4).  It's 7 minutes.  It's a good reminder of many of life's "lessons."  

In March I officially ran 107.2 miles.  This is a pretty big deal to me.  I've never put in that many miles.  Maybe I'll do it again, maybe I won't.  I'm grateful though.  I'm grateful for the time I had to do it.  I'm grateful for my health so that I could do it.  Mostly though it proved to me that the body achieves what the mind believes.  The human body is capable of some impressive stuff.  Admire it.  Challenge it.  I am not saying everyone...RUN!  My hope is that we can find something we love doing and do it.  Pull ups, jump rope, swim, bike, walk...the choices are endless.  Whatever we set our minds to we can do.

Out of running shoes!

Running over snow...is it Ohio or Virginia?

Here's to spring's arrival.  Here's to April!  52 days until the pool opens!

Thanks for reading!

My favorite post run spot 

What If? What If? What If?

The topic of worry was the focus of one of my daily readings the other day.  It wasn’t so much about what we fret over, or what causes us anxiety, but rather what we can do to calm ourselves?  I can make a list of the things that run through my mind when I can’t sleep at 3 AM.  There are less important things like: remembering to return library books on time. Did I program the coffee pot correctly?  Will I get called to sub tomorrow? Beating myself up for not eating enough vegetables and loving chocolate too much.  And, there are also more pressing things like: hoping my kids are kind to others; wondering if I properly answered Elliot’s questions about heaven correctly.  Asking myself if I’m doing the right thing by not letting my kids share a room except on weekends? What if the small growth on my lung is getting bigger?  All these thoughts swirl through my mind.  If I allow the worry to gain strength, before I know it I am struggling to keep my head above the current of the thoughts. 

So this brings me to…what can I do about it?  Usually I start by asking myself "what if?"  What if I didn’t turn the coffee pot to “auto?”  What if I didn’t say just the right thing to Elliot when we asked me if Grandma Mary misses him even though she’s in heaven?  What if we don’t spend enough time studying math facts?  What if the library books are late?  Usually the answers to the questions help place the problem in a different perspective.  When the answer to the “what if?” isn’t so powerful; it’s a correlation to me that the worry isn’t such a worry.  For me, it can be as simple as asking “what if?”

Now, sometimes the answers to “what if?” are scary too.  Each new school year I have to fill out paperwork for Elliot.  Each year I have to explain to his new teacher about his cyst on his brain.  The cyst has its own set of “what if?” questions.  So far we’ve been so fortunate that the cyst hasn’t changed in size or caused him physical problems.  I cannot worry my life away over what may or may not happen to Elliot. 

In those first few weeks of learning about Elliot’s cyst (when he was 3) I would sit in his room while he slept and ask myself those scary questions.  My heart would race and hot tears would sting my eyes.  I felt really angry at God for what we were facing.  Through those angry prayers, tears, and then support of family and friends I’ve been able to let go of the worry.  This doesn't mean I don't feel concern.  It means (in general) it doesn't keep me up at night.  I am completely powerless over the situation.  I’m learning to place that worry in its true perspective.  When I do, I find it loses its power to dominate my thoughts and my life.  I can let go and let Elliot live the life he is meant to live. 

Worry is a challenge for me.  It will be something I will battle against again and again.  I’ll have to keep reeling in the thoughts and ask “what if?”  I’ll also have to ask for the courage to place the worry in its true perspective.  How grateful I am do have found one way to deal. 

Gratitude.  That’s another way.  Sometimes it’s a simple statement.  Other times (or when I’m struggling more) it’s an A-Z list. 

Today’s “B” is blog.  I’m grateful to have this blog to share my random thoughts.  “R” is for the readers. 

Thank you for reading.  xo

Help, Thanks, Wow

Thank you

I noticed this morning that I have not posted to the blog since January 30^th!  Substitute teaching has really been keeping me busy!  I’m so grateful for the opportunity.  Add the kids’ activities and John’s work schedule and we have full days!  The treadmill and I continue to see each other often.   I marked my first 8 minute mile last week.  This is a big deal to me.  Slowly but surely I’m getting stronger.  Progress, not perfection I keep telling myself.  (thank you)

The weather is becoming warmer and the days are finally getting longer, thanks to daylight savings.  Elliot’s birthday seems to mark that winter is drawing to a close.  His birthday is February 20^th.  He turned 9 this year.  NINE!  I know I blogged last year about how quickly the past 8 years has gone, writing about how 8 Is Enough (click to read)!  Elliot has grown up so much in this past year though.  I can’t physically run fast enough to keep up with the pace of life.  (wow)

Elliot can work out with us at the gym now.  He gets to choose if he wants to be in the Kids Zone and participate in the activities there or be out on the “floor.”  He’s mostly chosen to stand tall and tell the attendant, “I’m 9 now.  We are just dropping off my sister.”  Sydney isn’t as excited about this new chapter.  I guess for her life isn’t moving as fast as she’d like.  (help)

I’ve been thinking lately how raising kids seems to be broken into segments (or maybe that’s just my way of looking at it to keep partial sanity).  We prepare for the baby phase with gear and reading up on “what to expect.”  Then the toddler years arrive and it’s another blur of trying to keep them safe from physical harm as they become little explorers, into everything.  I transitioned easily from that phase into preschool years, which were quickly followed by Kindergarten.  There were so many “firsts.”  It was all I could do to mark them down.  (help and wow)

Now though we are in this whole new phase.  More firsts have found their way into the baby books.  Sydney lost her first tooth on Elliot’s 9^th birthday.  Elliot finished up his first season of Upwards Basketball at our church.  Sydney goes to her first sleepover party this weekend.  Elliot has a favorite band now (under John’s influence it’s AC/DC).  Both kids are reading independently before bedtime.  This segment has a lot of firsts that they conquer independently.  Independence has arrived.  (WOW)

Upwards Basketball at Fredericksburg UMC

When Elliot was in that toddler phase I can remember telling John I just wanted to be able to shut the bathroom door and be alone.  I didn’t want small people barging in.  It was rare not to see a face staring at me from the other side of the shower curtain.  In this current segment, I have that peace.  The funny thing is, now I find myself wishing that the kids wanted that same peace for themselves.  John and I remind them to shut the door—they don’t seem to need much privacy.  I know the day will be here before I know it…they will be behind locked doors; keeping us out, searching for privacy.  (help)

When Elliot was a baby I remember John saying, “Never in my life has there been a time when the days seemed so long but time moved so fast.”  The days of sleep deprivation are long.  I gained an appreciation of just how many hours are in a sleepless night.  Daytime hours were lived with effort.  I pushed my tired body through life's molasses only to do it again the next day and the next day.  (help)

1st tooth gone!

But, then…all of a sudden, the kids change.  The days don’t feel so long anymore, even the nights have picked up speed.  We rush, rush, rush and holler “shut the door please” and “did you wash your hands?”  (thank you)

I pray mom prayers a lot.  Those are the words in the parentheses at the end of each paragraph.  3 simple prayers…help, thanks, and wow.  My favorite writer, Anne Lamott, helps me to know these prayers.  So many moments I pray “thank you.”  Thank you for these kids and this crazy fast-paced life. And, when Elliot shows his preteen attitude or I am in the midst of “hair torture” as Syd refers to it, I pray “help.”  Help me keep my patience.  I think the help prayer will be used more and more as we approach adolescence.  And, many times I pray “wow” because so much of this is just that. 

"Gratitude begins in our hearts and then dovetails into behavior. It almost always makes you willing to be of service, which is where the joy resides. It means that you are willing to stop being such a jerk. When you are aware of all that has been given to you, in your lifetime and the past few days, it is hard not to be humbled, and pleased to give back." Anne Lamott from her book Help, Thanks, Wow.

I am so grateful.  Thanks for reading.