Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Don't Worry About Tomorrow


This past week I met with my woman’s group and took a spiritual assessments test.  The test asked a series of questions that we were to rate 1-5 on how well the written statement described our current place in faith.  Upon calculation, the greatest a person could earn would be a sum of 50 in one area.  I earned 50 in two areas…music and (you guessed it) writing.  So, I think I will keep on writing the blog, and I will look into becoming part of our church’s band as soon as they have auditions.  I’m excited and humbled by both of these “perfect” scores.  I just think God knows right where to use me.

I’ve reflected on this further though and it’s lead me to consider other people’s gifts in my life.  I immediately thought of my son, Elliot.  Elliot is 7 and even though there isn’t a category for “swimming” on the assessment; I’m thinking about how it fits in to his life (and my own).  When I wrote the post about “She Met a Princess,” Elliot was looking over my shoulder as I hit the final “post” button.  He asked, “are you going to write a blog about me, Mommy?”  “Yes, Elliot.  I will,” was my reply.  I’m not writing this out of obligation, but because this is weighing on my heart.

When Elliot was 2 he needed to have his tonsils and adenoids removed.  We took him for a routine CT scan pre-op for the procedure.  The CT scan showed that he had a sizeable mass on his brain behind his right eye (about the size of a plum).  Not the information you expect your ENT to deliver.  The ENT put off surgery until a MRI could be done.  Two agonizing weeks followed before we heard, with certainty, that it was not a brain tumor. 

Elliot has an arachnoid cyst on his brain.  This cyst cannot develop into a tumor (thank God) but can pose serious health risks.  These health risks may not ever develop, or they may develop over a few years time, tomorrow, anytime….He has limitations.  He cannot play any contact sports because the cyst has its own blood supply.  A blow to the head could result in a fatal injury.  I felt like the worst mom on the planet the day I delivered the news, “you cannot play football.”  Maybe soccer.  Maybe baseball.  Maybe basketball.  Maybe.

Maybe.  That is a word that God has added to my vocabulary (among others) that I didn’t really think much of before.  Maybe these symptoms will develop; maybe they won’t.  Maybe he will be just fine; maybe he won’t.  It sounds volatile.

We’ve been to many specialists.  John, in his amazing medical understanding, has been able to dissect medical articles that have given us knowledge.  But, above it all I have learned to lean into my faith.  My faith was tested greatly during those 2 weeks of uncertainty.  I would sit on the side of Elliot’s bed, as he slept, holding his hand and asking, Why?  Why this?  Why now?  What does this mean? 

And, I came to this conclusion…sometimes God brings us to our knees so we can learn how much we need Him.  And, oh how I need Him.

I couldn’t get through today without my faith.  I won’t be able to face the uncertainties of tomorrow without it either.  I wouldn’t be able to let Elliot out of my sight without it.  I have faith that God will strengthen me through mothering Elliot; through watching him walk through the doors of the elementary school without me; and through getting through another day without any symptoms.

Elliot is amazing.  There is evidence from above that we are being looked after.  I mentioned the swimming.  One sport Elliot can participate in, without worry, is swimming.  For some unexplainable reason, Elliot is an excellent swimmer.  At his first meet of this season, he earned third place in freestyle, fourth in butterfly and first in breast stroke.  When he came in the door with that “heat ribbon” for breast stroke I overflowed with thankfulness.  Elliot beamed with pride.  All I could do as I hugged him was silently in my head say “thank you God for providing achievement in the area that he is able to participate.” 


Even though I was standing in my kitchen, I was “on my knees” in thankfulness for that moment.  I’m thankful that his cyst has not grown in size.  I’m thankful for every day that we have without a symptom.  I’m thankful that I don’t worry most days about him or the “maybes.”  He’s a normal kid…sometimes too smart for his own good. 
God has used this part of Elliot to grow me, to grow our family, to grow Elliot, and to grow our faith. 

I find comfort in Matthew 6:34 So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

It this difficult?  Absolutely.  Does this test my faith?  Absolutely.  But, I find that I am able to offer things of myself that wouldn’t be there unless I had gone through this.  And, in time perhaps so will Elliot.

So, be thankful for the trials that God has placed in your path.  Perhaps you can be a positive light to another parent, another child, or to yourself.  And, remember…only worry about today because it’s all we have.  Tomorrow will give us a whole new set of worries in its own time.

Thank you for reading.

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