Breaking Up with Facebook

Dear Facebook, it's over....

I. Love. Summer. I love the weather, the relaxed schedule, the extra time at home. I love summer foods...fresh veggies, local berries, ice cream, grilling more often, and s'mores roasted over the fire pit. I love summer sunsets. I love going for long runs under the shade of trees and seeing the puffy white clouds and brilliant blue skies. I love the freckles that scatter across Elliot's face and nose. I especially love seeing my kids swim with their friends at the pool. Best of all? NO SCHOOL!!

I've enjoyed another year substitute teaching, but wow! It feels great to get a break. Speaking of breaks, that brings me to what this post is about. I'm breaking up with Facebook. 

I've found myself spending too much time plugged into Facebook. It can be fun to see how the people I'm connected to are spending their summer. Facebook is good for making quick plans or for me to reach a group easily. Lately though I'm feeling more of an overload of information after looking through my news feed. There are too many ads, too many suggestions for pages to "like."  Too much information.  It's time for me to cut the cord. 

Maybe I'll take Facebook back after the summer.  Maybe things will be different in a few months.  Maybe I'll change.  Perhaps that old adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder" applies to Facebook too.  For now though, I am serious about ending this relationship.  Facebook has a built-in guilt meter.  I felt a pang of guilt this morning when I deleted the app from my iPhone.  Facebook is like that second slice of cake.  You want to indulge, but later you regret it.  I'm treating this break up like ripping off a Band-Aid. One swift action and then the pain will quickly ease. Facebook was my fix.  The only way I can make this break up less painful is by going cold turkey.  

My teenage niece, Spenser, is visiting us from Ohio. She's been spending a chunk of her summer vacation with us in Virginia since she was 6. Spenser doesn't strike me as your "average teenager."  Her cell phone battery dies and not from too much usage. She doesn't even use Facebook at all (I realize too, it's not the "cool thing" for teens anyway), but I'm amazed, and inspired, by her ability to create and keep a social media boundary. I need a better boundary. 

Summer is short and fleeting. I wait all year for it to arrive. I want to savor it. I also want more of the peace I see Spenser have. I want to push myself to connect to my friends on a more authentic level. I imagine they will "like" seeing less of my posts in their news feeds too. 

So here's to summer. Forgive me in advance if I seem out of the loop because I will be.  

Thanks for reading!  Have a great summer.  You can email or call me.  And, I still Instagram because I love photos. :)  To find me on Instagram search mrsv_runsoncoffee. 

To you, Mom

Downtown with my mom 2012

 This post is for moms. This post is for my mom. 

My mom is Anne. She is 63 years young. My mom was born in Cincinnati, Ohio. She's a preacher's daughter. She's in the middle of 5 kids. She's been a wife for almost 43 years. She is a hair stylist. She is a mom to 3 daughters and a grandma to 5 grandchildren. My mom is an artist, a writer, and great listener. She is a devoted friend. 

My mom stayed home with us when we grew up. I have memories of her making us forts out of blankets, cutting the crusts off my PB&J's, taking us to parks and loads of shopping trips. Like many moms, she sacrificed so much of herself for her children. She always made us a priority; so much so that I have a tendency to be somewhat self-centered (but this isn't about my shortcomings). :-)

I think she was tired a lot. She did it all.  I never even had chores. She ran our house and babysat a slew of kids at the same time. She never missed a single thing I was part of. She was a room mom, Campfire Girls leader, organized play dates and countless other social activities for me and my sisters.  She was always ready to give our hair the latest style and color--even if it was 10 PM and she was exhausted.  I don't even have many photos of us together because she was always taking the pictures (remember, pre-selfie days?!). When I was a senior in high school she chaperoned my class trip to Walden Pond in Massachusetts. It was the first time in my life I had her all to myself. I remember ordering Subway sandwiches for us to eat on the bus ride. I had to ask her what she wanted because I didn't even know what to order for her. To this day I am grateful for that trip. It was on that trip that I began to know her as a person--not just my mom. 

Having fun in Lake Cumberland

Over the years my mom and I have had our ups and downs--mostly ups, I think. But in all of it we are still so close. My mom was still the one I wanted near me when I became a mom. In those early days of motherhood when Elliot cried for 12 hours straight and maybe slept on and off another 10, I wanted my mom to tell me it was going to be OK. I looked to her for validation that I was doing something, anything, right. 

I can't begin to know how she did it all. She has always seemed to know the right thing to do, the right thing to say. To this day, I could ask her anything. I may not always want to hear what she has to say, but she's willing to listen and willing to share her experience, strength and hope with me. 

It's her dedication to me and to our family that's helped steer me toward being the kind of mom I strive to be. 

I hope on Mother's Day that she finds time to relax. I hope she finds moments to reflect on her own motherhood journey. I hope all moms do. We are all just trying to find our way, trying to do his mom thing the best we can. I think we need to encourage each other as women. We need to tell each other, as my mom has told me, "it's going to be OK. You're doing an amazing job."

Christmas 1978

One day we will be where I am today. I am grown and busy raising my own family. And one day my kids won't call as often as they want to. We might be separated by 500 miles, like I am with my mom. But with one call we will be connected.  When I get the chance to talk to my mom I am transported back to my younger years.  She's still my mom. 

On a day that celebrates mothers everywhere; I am a mom, but I am a daughter too. I will celebrate that. On Mother's Day I celebrate my mom and all that she is, and all that she will become. 

I love you Mom. 

“Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” ― Elizabeth Stone.

Thanks for reading. Happy Mother's Day. 

Spring Where Are You?

March 17, 2014: Virginia received yet another snow storm and then had yet another snow day.  The only thing living in our house that was overly excited by this was Thurman, our Golden Retriever.  Even our snow shovel is tired.  I saw a funny picture on Facebook today that had the Easter Bunny yelling for Santa to come get the snow.  It made me think...is this Jack Frost's joke to us because the retail industry is always rushing us on to the next holiday?  Of course I don't actually believe this, but it is comedic relief to the fact that a half a foot of snow fell in and around DC just one day after it was 70 degrees on the National Mall.  My kids have had 16 snow days this school year.  This has caused such commotion in the number of instructional hours that the school board voted last week to add an additional 25 minutes to each school day until the end of the school year.  The first day of the added time was to begin yesterday.  Yesterday was a snow day.  Is this funny to anyone else, or is it just me?  I have to find a way to laugh about this.  If I don't, I feel I will begin to develop a twitch and find myself living my own version of The Shining.  I half expect creepy twins to be waiting for me at the top of our stairs or decide it's a good idea to let Sydney and Elliot ride scooters in the house (I'd say Big Wheels, but we don't own them).

I have an extra amount of respect for those I know who live in climates where it is a long, cold winter.  To my friend in Minnesota, you are a hearty soul.  May you find your winter's thaw in yummy things like potato soup and warm blankets.  Growing up in the winters of Central Ohio I can remember the old window panes in my room forming small ice crystals on the inside on particularly cold nights.  I would scratch at the bits of frost and watch it melt down the cold panes.  I was fascinated by this.  I loved winter.  Sledding, hot chocolate, and the excitement of snow.  Now, as an adult, I have a countdown to the pool opening.  As of today, it's 67 days.  In 67 days I will yell "grab a towel and some flip flops" instead of working up a sweat stuffing Elliot into gloves and snow boots.  If for some reason it still hasn't warmed up, I will sit poolside with our infamous heat dish.  

So here's to an end to winter, to long summer days and warm evenings.  Bring on the fireflies, the cherry blossoms and the long OUTDOOR runs I have planned.  I can't wait to break up with the treadmill. 

Thanks for reading.

Thurman and his heat dish

St. Patrick's Day Snow Storm

Kindness

Happy 2014!  I'm excited about a new year. Now is the time for resolutions.  The word resolution is defined as: 1. The state or quality of being resolute; firm determination. 2. A resolving to do something.  As we all have heard many "resolutions" aren't kept.  Habits are hard to break and new ones can be even more challenging to begin.  


It's been over a year since I incorporated running into my regular routine.  When I began a year ago it took me over 11 minutes to run a mile.  It was difficult to run a full mile without taking a break to walk.  I had hip and knee pain and lots of soreness.  I kept going though.  At some point during this past year there was a shift.  There was a moment when running turned from something I dreaded into something I enjoy.  I don't always like it when I'm in the middle of it, but I always like it when I've finished.  I love the way I feel when I think I can't go any further and yet I do.  Just before Christmas I ran in a 5K race and finished in under 30 minutes.  I actually came in 2nd in my age group.  Who would've ever dreamed? Certainly not me!  I resolved to do what I didn't think possible.  I had a firm determination.  Running wasn't my "official" resolution of 2013.  I just wanted to try to keep going, try to improve.  
When I started running I was running from weight I didn't want to gain back (from the 50 pounds I'd lost, some was creeping back on).  I was also running from emotions that were too big for me to feel.  I was running from my own inner voice that tells me I can't do something. I guess that voice is a liar. :) 
A friend of mine chooses a word of the year and makes that her focus.  I love that idea; I love it more than a resolution.  Knowing she would be sharing her word got me thinking about doing this too.  After a bit of mediation and reflection I decided my word of 2014 is KINDNESS.  Kindness is a virtue, and represents a caring towards others.  Practicing kindness towards others has been shown to increase our own happiness...and who doesn't want to be happier?  I will use kindness in that way, but I am using it to go one step further.  I am "resolving" to be kinder to myself.  I will be using kindness to gauge my actions.  
I've been unkind to myself.  Overeating wasn't treating myself with kindness.  My negative self-talk isn't kind.  Saying yes, when I want to say no, isn't being kind to myself either.  I'm better than I was, but I'm not where I want to be.  I hope to use 2014 as a year to grow in kindness to others and myself.  
Being kind to myself means I can make mistakes and not ask "what were you thinking?"  Instead I can ask, "what was I learning?"  I have a lot to learn.  
I look back at photos of myself when I was overweight (there aren't many because I didn't want them taken).  I see someone who was not kind to herself.  I see someone who was hurting.  I compare that girl to who I am now.  I see progress.  I'll never be perfect, perfection isn't what my path is about.  But, I need to keep looking at those pictures to remind myself that I have grown.  It's an inside job that shows on the outside too. 

As I wrote above, habits are hard to break.  My focus on kindness is a new habit.  I've written about my own struggle with habits in a previous posts you can read by clicking here (Hard Habit to Break) and also another by clicking here (Defeating Chocolate Cake).

At my heaviest                    At my current weight

Giving the toast at my sister's wedding.  I went on to gain another 10 pounds!

What is your focus for 2014?  Where do you want to be by 2015?  Perhaps we can encourage each other.  
Thank you for reading. 

Keep Going, Keep Going, Keep Going...

The land of YouTube.  It is vast.  You can learn how to install bamboo flooring (thanks, John!), make a Rainbow Loom bracelet, tie a tie, or be inspired by some pretty awesome people.  There’s many a morning in the Van Vorst house that I show a video to Sydney and Elliot.  I like to "feed" them with good stuff while they are eating breakfast.  I am using this post to link you to some of my recent favorites.  If you have a day that you need a pick-me-up you MUST view any one (or all) of these.  

1. A Tiny Poem by Kid President:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JhwaRYOgxo
This kid is beyond awesome!  His video messages are not only inspiring, but adorable.  He tells us things like "you can't be sad when you're holding a cupcake." And, "everthing is going to be ok." He gives us a lesson on 20 things we need to say more often.  If you don't watch the video, at least read the Tiny Poem.

“The world is so big and we’re all so small
sometimes it feels like we can’t do anything at all
but the world can be better
(in spite of its flaws)
the world can be better
and you’ll be the cause
and even though the waves are bigger than our boats…
the wind keeps us sailing
it’s love gives us hope.
Some days it’s dark,
but we’ll keep rowing
because people like you whisper
‘keep going, keep going, keep going.’”

2. Children and staff gather for an inspiring cover of "Roar" by Katy Perry at Children's Hospital at Dartmouth-Hitchcock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnG3MKos87A

This is one of my favorite songs right now.  Who couldn't be inspired by kids in cancer treatment putting together something to make themselves (and the world) smile?  These kids are champions!!  I listen to this song while I run and I feel strong(er)!  This month marks my "anniversary" of making running part of my regular routine.  When I started a year ago I ran a mile in 12 minutes.  Now I am running a mile in under 9 minutes and I can run a full 5K without stopping to walk!  The more I run, the happier I am.  Not because it's easy or I am perfect.  I am FAR from it!  It's because with every mile I am proving to myself that I am capable of more than I ever thought possible. 

3. Sara Bareilles - Brave (Lyric Video): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwTr_CRw3GY

This is one Sydney asks for over and over.  Occasionally she tears up while she watches it. True story.  If you watch the video you will see young girls empowering each other and being good friends to one another.  Is there anything more inspiring to a young girl than watching other girls empower each other?

4.  Take a Seat - Make a Friend?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfHV4-N2LxQ

What happens when two strangers sit in a ball pit and talk about life's big questions?  Watch and see.  SoulPancake TOTALLY has it goin' on!  I subscribe to this channel.  It's amazing.  

5.  The Script - Hall of Fame Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5lpcWqecyak

I've heard this song a lot over the past year.  One night this week I was driving Elliot to indoor swim practice and this song came on.  I turned it up and told Elliot to listen.  His wheels were turning.  He's been looking up this video on his iPod constantly since that night. We talked about the meaning of the lyrics and he said "mommy that song makes me feel pumped up."  When we were in Ohio for Thanksgiving I heard 2 people ask him if he plays football (friends of friends that don't know us that well).  Elliot answered no and told them he has a cyst that keeps him from playing contact sports.  I was so proud of him for owning that and being brave about speaking about it.  He later told me "you know, I am OK with not playing football.  I mean I wish I could, but if I played football I probably wouldn't be swimming and I love swimming." Pass me a tissue...this kid is standing in the hall of fame.

So, as the song by The Script says “never gonna know if you never even try…” what will you try today?  Or, as Kid President asks, “what will you do to make the world more awesome?”  Be inspired.  Feed yourself with this good stuff because there is a lot of it.  I need it many days.  I’m grateful for the positive people in this world that put it out there, and make my world more awesome. 

Thanks for reading.

10 Years Later...

This past week marked 10 years living in our home.  10 years.  Typically when these events arrive I’ll ask myself, “Where did the time go?”  Today, however, I’m amazed by what the past 10 years has placed in my life.   I’m asking myself, “How did all that fit into 10 years?”  10 years ago John and I moved in with 2 cats and barely enough belongings to fill the rooms.  Now our home is full with 2 kids and pets.   

We’ve experienced life’s greatest moments through the births of Elliot and Sydney.  We’ve felt the deepest sadness life can bring in saying good-bye to my in-laws.  This house is where my kids learned to walk. This street is where they learned to ride 2-wheeled bikes. This is our home.

I’m feeling nostalgic.  I’m also again reminded that life happens outside of what I have planned.   As I have written before, this geographical location isn’t what I envisioned for my life.  I’m learning though to yield to what life is providing to me instead of fighting it in an attempt to get what I think I need.  It’s in those moments of letting go, when I “live and let live” that I experience meaning and happiness.

Living here, in this house and in this neighborhood has given me beyond what I could dream up for myself.  I’ve met some awesome friends that have encouraged and inspired me, challenged me; they’ve helped me grow.  I’m learning to let them know me too. And, I can only hope I am encouraging them. 

This weekend I was invited to a girls’ night in.  We played Bunco and we laughed and we laughed.  All of us come from different backgrounds and grew up in various locations.  We are laced together in this neighborhood and share the common bond of motherhood.  For those few hours we socialized and shared life.  The evening unfolded just the way it was meant to be. It was wonderful. 

This morning I rewatched a video of Jimmy Valvano's 1993 ESPY Speech when he accepted the Arthur Ashe Award for Courage. He was nearing the end of his life due to cancer.  His speech is remarkable.  In it he talks about 3 things we should all do every day of our lives.

• Laugh: we should laugh

• Think: spend some time in thought

• Cry: have emotions move to tears (could be happiness)

You can watch the video yourself to hear why these 3 things are important.  I promise you will be inspired.  

It is my hope that in the next 10 years I’ll be able to look back and be proud of the person I grow into.  For me life is a process.  I’ll never be finished growing and learning.  I don’t want to be finished.  I’ve made a lot of mistakes.  I just hope today I’m a little bit better than I was yesterday.  Imperfect progress. 

Thanks for reading.

What If? What If? What If?

The topic of worry was the focus of one of my daily readings the other day.  It wasn’t so much about what we fret over, or what causes us anxiety, but rather what we can do to calm ourselves?  I can make a list of the things that run through my mind when I can’t sleep at 3 AM.  There are less important things like: remembering to return library books on time. Did I program the coffee pot correctly?  Will I get called to sub tomorrow? Beating myself up for not eating enough vegetables and loving chocolate too much.  And, there are also more pressing things like: hoping my kids are kind to others; wondering if I properly answered Elliot’s questions about heaven correctly.  Asking myself if I’m doing the right thing by not letting my kids share a room except on weekends? What if the small growth on my lung is getting bigger?  All these thoughts swirl through my mind.  If I allow the worry to gain strength, before I know it I am struggling to keep my head above the current of the thoughts. 

So this brings me to…what can I do about it?  Usually I start by asking myself "what if?"  What if I didn’t turn the coffee pot to “auto?”  What if I didn’t say just the right thing to Elliot when we asked me if Grandma Mary misses him even though she’s in heaven?  What if we don’t spend enough time studying math facts?  What if the library books are late?  Usually the answers to the questions help place the problem in a different perspective.  When the answer to the “what if?” isn’t so powerful; it’s a correlation to me that the worry isn’t such a worry.  For me, it can be as simple as asking “what if?”

Now, sometimes the answers to “what if?” are scary too.  Each new school year I have to fill out paperwork for Elliot.  Each year I have to explain to his new teacher about his cyst on his brain.  The cyst has its own set of “what if?” questions.  So far we’ve been so fortunate that the cyst hasn’t changed in size or caused him physical problems.  I cannot worry my life away over what may or may not happen to Elliot. 

In those first few weeks of learning about Elliot’s cyst (when he was 3) I would sit in his room while he slept and ask myself those scary questions.  My heart would race and hot tears would sting my eyes.  I felt really angry at God for what we were facing.  Through those angry prayers, tears, and then support of family and friends I’ve been able to let go of the worry.  This doesn't mean I don't feel concern.  It means (in general) it doesn't keep me up at night.  I am completely powerless over the situation.  I’m learning to place that worry in its true perspective.  When I do, I find it loses its power to dominate my thoughts and my life.  I can let go and let Elliot live the life he is meant to live. 

Worry is a challenge for me.  It will be something I will battle against again and again.  I’ll have to keep reeling in the thoughts and ask “what if?”  I’ll also have to ask for the courage to place the worry in its true perspective.  How grateful I am do have found one way to deal. 

Gratitude.  That’s another way.  Sometimes it’s a simple statement.  Other times (or when I’m struggling more) it’s an A-Z list. 

Today’s “B” is blog.  I’m grateful to have this blog to share my random thoughts.  “R” is for the readers. 

Thank you for reading.  xo